Losing my Locker

I have a problem with the term FOMO (fear of missing out).  It sounds weird when people say it, and I think it doesn’t really correlate the feelings of fear and desperation that comes when you say you are experiencing the fear of missing out on things.  It’s a hangup, I’ll work on it.  Maybe.

However, I have no other way to describe my life right now.  This past week I spent with family, celebrating holidays and loving every second of our down time.  It was awesome.  And then I started to come back into reality and man, it’s been a rough one.  It started with my barn locker.  The one we are moving out of in two days.  Two days, and I still have plenty of stuff to bring home and store.  See I’ve been living in a loophole at the barn, being a rider, not an owner, and still having (in my opinion) one of the best lockers (hello-no locker behind it, and top row).  I’ve had it since I had O, and when she left…well I just didn’t move.  Having a locker used to be a big status symbol at the barn I grew up in, so I kind of felt like I was keeping my toes in the door having one now.

Throwback picture.  <3



But it’s time.  I’m making myself do it today.  The new place is fantastic, but with only enough room for boarders to have lockers, this means I’m moving out.   Kind of an equestrian spring cleaning, because suddenly having all my stuff in one spot will definitely demonstrate how much of it I don’t actually need.  I know it’ll be good, but somehow I get stuck in the moment of “my stuff won’t be there, I’m not there, my horse-wait what horse?” and I quickly get drawn into a loop about how easy it would be to fall out of that world.  Hence my FOMO spikes wildly.  I know I don’t need a toe in the door anymore, or an excuse to come watch other rides and hang out.  But still, I remain vaguely clingy about this stupid locker.

I know that to begin in 2018, I’ll probably be more of a spectator than a participant, and I am coming to terms with it.  Just taking those steps, and taking home my locker really put it all into play.  Anyone else nervous or anxious about changes for 2018?

Also, if anyone has any ideas on how to explain their hoard of equine supplies to their spouse (his garage), let me know.  Poor guy said I could move into this space without really seeing how much I have!






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17 thoughts on “Losing my Locker”

  1. i totally get it. the locker is a very real, tangible connection to the barn and our place, literally, within it. all my barns have been the same with precious locker real estate restricted to owners and sometimes leasers. even my place in college where i worked my ass off wouldn’t give me a locker bc i didn’t own or lease. it really felt like a rite of passage when i finally got my own toehold in that sort of space. so i totally get what it feels like to not have that physical representation. but…. that space will always be there when you are ready for it again. and like you say, you know you don’t need an excuse to go visit and hang out anyway!

    1. I’m so glad that lockers are a big deal to other people too! Having that tangible space is great, but hopefully it will only motivate me more not having it right now.

  2. Totally get it! I’m not currently an owner at our barn as well (until June comes back) and I totally understand that feeling of floating through the barn world, not as secure as I once was. Lucky for me, since I am riding Queen Macy and Georgie regularly I get to keep my locker and no much has really changed. Try to enjoy not paying board as a consolation of losing the locker… it may help??

  3. I didn’t really tell my SO about how much stuff I had either. I just brought it home and prayed lol. Fortunately, I organize WAY better than him so even though I have a ton, it’s all neat and tidy compared to the rest of the garage and he hasn’t said a thing! So uh, just be cleaner than him? lol

  4. Awwww. I feel ya. It seems like you’re also attached to your locker because you were once a kid without one. Remember to honor that horse crazy kid still inside you and be gentle with yourself.

  5. Oh man, that’s gotta be rough. I definitely would be having FOMO if I moved all my crap home, even if that meant moving Spring home. Hopefully you don’t feel that way for long, and good luck figuring out storage in the garage!

  6. We never had lockers, just our trunks but it feels good to have a trunk much like i am guessing the feeling to have a locker. Let me know the trick to hoarding all your horse stuff at home. I’m still trying to figure it out at my current place.. My old place had ample closets (too many really) most of my stuff is piled in a corner of the guest room floor. I long for a garage.

    1. Ha, my guest room is lovingly called the closet half the time. Things just go there and never come back out. I’ll let you know if I manage to figure out a trick, I’m guessing it’s going to be lots of things thrown out (that probably needed to be a long time ago) and lots of clear bins.

  7. Ugh, I’m finally “cleaning out” a bunch of stuff that doesn’t fit the new guy and while it’s just stuff… it kind of makes me sad all over again 🙁

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