I Had Forgotten

Since having my daughter, I've been in a consistent riding program. That all ended about a month ago when work priorities took over (for better or worse). After a week or two, I feel like my obsessive "must ride something now" kind of waned.

I was incredibly busy, and horses suddenly seemed like the one thing totally not worth it. Usually I have those moments while waiting on a vet bill, or after I couldn't catch my horse for an hour–the usual equestrian doubts. Having these doubts while just sitting at my house was a bit scary.

As I mentioned before, I'm attempting to revamp my priorities and get some time back for my goals outside of the workplace. Horses are the core of those. So back to lessons I went-no excuses.

Tacking up Cooper today, I actually felt anxious. Cooper had been inside for a few days because of all the rain, so naturally he would be a wild stallion right? (Spoiler alert-nope) Stupid thoughts. Sending my toddler with her grandpa, I swung up and warmed up the giraffe as usual.

The lesson was incredibly hard, a technical ride. Cooper was feeling spicy, but I don't mind a little play as long as it's not stupid. By the end I openly admitted that I was exhausted.

But then as soon as I loaded up the car, gave the kid some snacks, and headed home I could actually feel the buzz. Better than champagne, I kept thinking over my ride; how I could do better, what I can do in the gym to get my fitness back and so on. I realized that in the weeks away I had forgotten how much I love the smell of the barn, the satisfaction of patting your horse after your ride, or the sheer joy of sharing the place you love the most. Essentially I forgot that I do belong with horses, and on horses. It is a part of who I am, and while life is an insane roller coaster I am so lucky to continue to have horses in my world. So next time I forget, and am having all these insane-o thoughts about horses not being worth it, I should reread this post. Because they are.

8 thoughts on “I Had Forgotten

  1. All of this! I do a fairly awesome job convincing myself I don’t need it, it’s not worth it….but the buzz…I just lie to myself and plug along. Nothing’s wrong but something’s missing, a piece of me is missing. I get it.

  2. For me, when I mount up, it is like I suddenly remembered how to breathe. Like stepping out of pollution or asthma. It is clear and fresh.

    Glad your humming!!

  3. When im at home with the kids sitting in nice cool a/c, looking at the traffic to the barn, i really dont feel much pull anymore. But then i drag mtself down there and that smell, god i love that smell of a barn. Just being around horses centers me, sometimes i just go take photos of barnmates. Its like a drug, you get away long eniugh yoy forget how amazing and addictive it is 😉

  4. After I take a break from riding, and I sit in the saddle for the first time, I get this overwhelming feeling of finally “being home.”

  5. It’s crazy, right? We spend so much time consumed by everything horses, and then we think “maybe I need a break!” But then we actually seriously consider it and realize it’s the worst idea ever. So, back to making riding work, no matter how crazy it makes our lives!

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