With envy that is.
I’ve been struggling with jealousy lately. While I love my current situation with Dee, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being envious of all those horse owners out there. I felt ashamed of this post for awhile, seeing as I’m quite spoiled. Yet seeing friends, on and off the internet, out doing all kinds of things, and having adventures has been hard. Obviously I think it’s great for them. But it makes me yearn hard for something I cannot have right now.
To cope, I then spend hours trolling dreamhorse.com and equinenow.com, sometimes Facebook, to find this mystical animal who I suddenly need so badly. By the time I find something that might work (heavy on the “might”), I’m rooted firmly back in the real world. It’s not the right time for us to buy. Too much going on in work, at home, and well everywhere. And I know that.
Knowing and accepting are two totally different things.
So you’ll have to forgive me for wishing I was out there. Wishing I had a show season to map out, clinics to go to, and plans to make for the next move up. Maybe it’s my stupid knee, which still hurts and is keeping me from the saddle, or the fact it’s been raining for almost 3 weeks, but I’m bumming hard over here. Even my husband (happily horseless in KC) seems sympathetic to my funky mood.
I set up a much needed lesson tonight. I need to clear my mind, as much as Dee needs the workout (probably way more).