Feeling Green

With envy that is.

I’ve been struggling with jealousy lately.  While I love my current situation with Dee, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being envious of all those horse owners out there.  I felt ashamed of this post for awhile, seeing as I’m quite spoiled.  Yet seeing friends, on and off the internet, out doing all kinds of things, and having adventures has been hard.  Obviously I think it’s great for them.  But it makes me yearn hard for something I cannot have right now.

To cope, I then spend hours trolling dreamhorse.com and equinenow.com, sometimes Facebook, to find this mystical animal who I suddenly need so badly.  By the time I find something that might work (heavy on the “might”), I’m rooted firmly back in the real world.  It’s not the right time for us to buy.  Too much going on in work, at home, and well everywhere.  And I know that.

Knowing and accepting are two totally different things.

 

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So you’ll have to forgive me for wishing I was out there.  Wishing I had a show season to map out, clinics to go to, and plans to make for the next move up.  Maybe it’s my stupid knee, which still hurts and is keeping me from the saddle, or the fact it’s been raining for almost 3 weeks, but I’m bumming hard over here. Even my husband (happily horseless in KC) seems sympathetic to my funky mood.

I set up a much needed lesson tonight.  I need to clear my mind, as much as Dee needs the workout (probably way more).

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18 thoughts on “Feeling Green

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. There is always something though. Gotta be happy with what you have. I am jealous of everyone who is having foals and can go do whatever they want with their horse, whenever they want. I do not have a truck and have to switch vehicles with my father or my way too generous friend every time I want to haul somewhere. Major first world problems here. Seriously thinking about getting a truck when it is time to get a new vehicle.

  2. I can totally understand that! I went though this constantly when Estella wasn’t feeling well. It’s incredibly hard to want those same things for yourself. It’s great that your husband understands; sometimes I just needed a good cry and for Matt to let me be miserable and be sympathetic and provide lots of ice creams ;). But there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel! You’ll get there!!

  3. I definitely understand the feeling: I’m on the other side right now though. Have a lovely young horse who is (hopefully) recovering from an injury in the field. I’m making the best of it by riding every other horse available to me, but the ongoing financial responsibility and the anxiety about his future can be tough. There are definitely limits to not owning your own, but also huge advantages.

  4. I think we all go through that. And social media is so good at making us jealous. Heck, I have a horse and I’ll look on IG and be like, why isn’t my horse that awesome or why am I not winning at shows? I just have to force myself to backtrack and remember that I do have things going for me and not be greedy. I’m sure you’ll get your own horse again one day. But it does seem like you’re having fun with Dee in the meantime.

  5. Yup. Window shopping is the best and worst! I flip and flop between being patient and the right things will fall into place and making stuff happen by being active. Sigh.

  6. I feel ya. My lease with Isabel was incredible in so many ways, as were the many horses I got to spend time with and work with in the years prior. I always felt like I was missing something and yearned for the day I could finally have my own. But it wasn’t the right time for a long time. Ugh. Luckily tho, when the time is right? There will be a horse who is also ready!!

  7. I can relate! I’m not showing (yet) and I don’t have horse friends (yet) and I don’t have my riding confidence (yet). Which leaves me living vicariously through all these horse bloggers.
    One day, though. One day.

  8. Ugh, it’s so hard! We all get envious sometimes, and while it’s not a good place to be, it happens. I know you’ll shake off the funk soon, and while it probably won’t help right now, try to remind yourself that the tough times right now will pay off big time later. Hugs girl!

  9. I definitely know what you mean, my last 8 months without a horse (and frankly even though I own one i’m not riding him yet because he’s #unrideable) is really tough on the psyche when you are used to just doing things.

  10. Totally understandable! I feel similarly and it’s hard to see everyone go off and have fun and you’re left like “hmm.. now what?” Just keep enjoying Dee and know it’ll work out and you’ll be ready for it when it does!

  11. I’m an owner but I still feel you. I have one horse I haven’t ridden since last september, and I bought the horse that broke my foot last september and still haven’t ridden him since. But I’m at least lessoning on a fantastic mare, but I miss my own guys.

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