Sucker punch 

Last week being an equestrian was too hard.  Laugh all you want, but it was a bad week.  I got sucker punched hard in my personal, and professional worlds.  And instead of handling it like an adult, I curled up on my couch and went to sleep.  Horses fell off my radar entirely.

In fact, when I started pulling myself back to normal life, I was doubting my sanity for even wanting to be involved with horses! Who in their right mind would take on giant injury prone animals who eat money on top of all the other stuff I’m supposed to be doing.  I started to think about all the ways that I could cut ties, and how I would get rid of my stuff.  I thought about the money I could be saving.  I wonder about all the grey hairs and anxiety I am bestowing upon myself.  In short, ladies and gents, it was just too hard.  Every instinct in me flared up and told me to jump ship.

Now that it’s a new week.  And I’m feeling less like a worthless piece of poo…I understand that last week was a breakthrough in some ways.  Now I know how easy giving up would be, yet here I am, still pushing on.  That has to account for something.

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I need to remember that some days, it just isn’t going to work.  Does it mean I should scrap the past 15 years?  Probably not.  I don’t have my own horse.  And while I’m hoping Dee continues to be a great ride for me, it’s really a month by month commitment.  So I can go ahead and calm the frack down over that too.

So cheers to realizing once again that I’m not superwoman (dammit); that none of us are, but we are doing the very best we can.  Even if that means it’s too hard to horse some weeks!  It’s not always rainbows and sunshine.

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12 thoughts on “Sucker punch 

  1. Hugs to you for juggling it all. I have days like that and I don’t even have the very large piece of adulting that is a child. Yesterday I didn’t go to the barn because I hadn’t done laundry or emptied the dishwasher in a week, even though I have a championship show in less than two weeks. You just gotta wave the adult ammie white flag sometimes.

  2. It might be easy to actually sell stuff but for me I wish I had spent more time thinking about it a few years ago. I was miserable for months and while it was nice to have a financial break mentally t was not a good time for me.

    Glad his week is going better!

  3. I’ve had this same realization several times over the last few months. Of all the things in my life, horses would be the simplest to cut out to make everything so much easier, but at the end of the day that would also be a big mistake.

  4. We have all had to take steps back from riding at one time or another – life gets in the way, and we have to adapt to survive. I’m sorry you had such a sh*tty week. I’ve questioned my commitment to riding and tried to quit before. After all, the amount of time, money and emotional investment we put in is pretty insane from a logical standpoint. But let me save you the trouble. If you quit completely, you will probably end up sobbing in a grocery store parking lot one day, like I did. Because riding fills a part of your soul that other things just can’t touch. And you do deserve to have something in your life that does that for you.

  5. I run a yard and I don’t judge the adult ammies that have to leave their precious four-legged babies alone for a week every now and then. I give them extra cookies and they enjoy their holiday. There is no shame in having to do only the necessary and deal with the crisis for a while. ❤

  6. I totally feel you! I keep thinking about all this money I am investing into my lame horse but then I get the opportunity to ride a sound horse and everything changes again and I’m reminded why horses are awesome. But I’ve totally been to that place, a lot.

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