From My Teenage Self

A few weeks ago I uncovered a external hard drive from my freshman year of college onto which I downloaded the majority of my files after my longtime computer had died.

What I found, made my heart so very, very happy.  So many pictures of me loving horses, working with horses, and even a few rare clips of me actually riding horses.  These memories made me tear up, and I cannot wait to share some of these stories with ya’ll as I take a trip down memory lane.

But the thing that stuck me the most was how much I was reminded of why I ride.  Why I am involved with horses.  It is not an easy sport.  It is not easy to be a mom, a career woman, a wife and still sneak out for rides.  The guilt can be suffocating.  Sometimes driving back from the barn I’m lost in frustration over the fact that I’ve been so stressed over time for everything that I forgot to actually enjoy the horses and the ride.  Then I feel stupid.   And what am I really doing anyway?  No immediate goals, and no fantastic prospects, I still battle the feeling of being lost in the mix.

And then I saw these pictures of 15, 16, 17 year old me.

 

 

Old/younger me would kick my ass for not loving every second.  Back then I was working my butt off, mucking stalls, chasing lesson ponies, watering rings, doing whatever was shouted at me–all for the chance to just be around these animals, let alone get to ride them.  I was grateful for every moment.

Seeing these pictures reminded me that while I may not be the best rider, I might not get to ride whenever I want, but horses are still in my heart.  Nothing is going to change that.  That feels good.

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23 thoughts on “From My Teenage Self

  1. What a great entry. I am a horse professional, which is all I ever wanted as a kid, but on the hard days it’s easy to get lost in a fantasy world where I just ride horses for fun and DON’T have to be around them all the time. Then I try to picture a life where I work a 9-5, and I cannot picture it! I remember busting my butt just to be able to look at real live horses. Now I’m surrounded by them 24/7, and I really need to remember to appreciate that! Thanks for writing this. It was just what I needed.

    • I’m glad it helped you too! It felt good to relive those days when it was all about the love of the horses and sport. I hope to be a bit more like my old self moving forward.

  2. These are such sweet pictures, and this post is so relatable. It’s so easy to forget why we put so much into the sport after a long day at work and a long barn commute. We all need a little horse crazy teenage self on our shoulder once in a while to remind us.

  3. Some days I too am struck by how awesome it is to get to ride, its easy to lose sight in the muck and mire of the day to day. Glad you found that spark joy again 🙂

  4. Great reminder! It *is* hard to balance it all, and not feel guilty that you are neglecting other areas of your life. Something that speaks to your heart is important, and needs to be made time for. I know I’m a better person when I ride, and not very fun to be around when I don’t 🙂

  5. I have seen you grow from a little girl, to a teen to a college girl, and finally to the most beautiful young woman, mother and wife. These images bring floods of tears and memories. The love of horses has helped keep you grounded and contributed to the person you are, which is extremely special. As always I am your biggest fan. Mom

  6. Pingback: Teenage Archives: Erv at the Royal | A Gift Horse

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